Teaching on love
“To love is to live.”
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Anthony de Mello

The Essence of Existence: Love as Life

“To love is to live.” This profound statement by Anthony de Mello encapsulates the essence of human existence, suggesting that love is not merely an emotion but the very foundation of life itself. In a world often characterized by division and isolation, de Mello invites us to reconsider our understanding of love as a transformative force that connects us to one another and to the universe. This perspective challenges us to reflect on how deeply our capacity to love influences our experience of being alive.

At its core, this quote beckons us to explore the intricate relationship between love and existence. Love, in this context, transcends romantic or familial bonds; it encompasses a universal connection that binds all beings. De Mello's assertion compels us to recognize that to truly live is to engage in acts of love, compassion, and understanding. This understanding not only enriches our own lives but also fosters a sense of unity with others, suggesting that our individual lives are woven into a larger tapestry of shared humanity.

The image / the metaphor

The imagery in de Mello's quote is strikingly simple yet profoundly evocative. The verb "to love" implies an active engagement, a dynamic process that requires intention and vulnerability. It suggests that love is not a passive state but a deliberate choice that shapes our actions and interactions. The phrase "to live" further emphasizes that existence is not merely about survival; it is about thriving through connection and empathy. This interplay between love and life invites us to envision a world where our relationships are the very essence of our being.

In the speaker's tradition

Anthony de Mello, a Jesuit priest and spiritual teacher, draws from a rich tradition of Christian mysticism that emphasizes the transformative power of love. Central to this tradition is the concept of kenosis, or self-emptying, which invites individuals to let go of ego and embrace a love that is selfless and expansive. This aligns with the teachings of figures like Meister Eckhart and St. John of the Cross, who also emphasized the importance of love as a pathway to divine union and spiritual awakening. In this light, de Mello's assertion resonates with the idea that true love transcends the self, leading to a deeper understanding of our interconnectedness.

Moreover, de Mello's insights can be compared to the Buddhist concept of sunyata, or emptiness, which teaches that the self is an illusion and that true fulfillment arises from compassion and love for all beings. This cross-pollination of ideas enriches our understanding of love as a universal force that transcends cultural and religious boundaries. In his work, de Mello often encourages a contemplative approach to life, urging us to awaken to the love that is inherent in our being and in our relationships with others.

Living the teaching

Consider a modern scenario where this teaching can be applied: a workplace filled with tension and competition. In such an environment, the act of choosing to love—by offering support, encouragement, and understanding—can transform not only individual relationships but also the overall atmosphere. When one person decides to approach their colleagues with love and compassion, it can create a ripple effect, inspiring others to do the same. This illustrates how love can be a powerful force for change, fostering collaboration and unity even in challenging circumstances.

Another application of this teaching can be found in personal relationships, particularly during moments of conflict. Imagine a disagreement between partners, where emotions run high and misunderstandings abound. By consciously choosing to respond with love—listening deeply, expressing empathy, and seeking to understand the other’s perspective—individuals can navigate the stormy waters of conflict with grace. This practice not only resolves tension but also deepens the bond between partners, reinforcing the idea that love is indeed the essence of living fully.

A reflection

As we contemplate de Mello's assertion that “to love is to live,” we are invited to reflect on our own lives and relationships. Are we fully embracing the love that exists within us and around us? In what ways can we cultivate a deeper sense of love in our daily interactions, transforming our existence into a more vibrant expression of life? These questions serve as a guide for our journey, encouraging us to explore the profound connection between love and the essence of being alive.

ArtistAnthony de Mello

Jesuit priest and psychotherapist who blended Christian spirituality with Buddhist and Hindu insights.

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Frequently Asked Questions

De Mello's quote suggests that love is not just an emotion but the very essence of existence. He implies that our capacity to love deeply influences our experience of life, connecting us to others and enriching our journey.
You can apply this teaching by consciously choosing to engage in acts of love and compassion in your daily interactions. Whether in the workplace, at home, or in your community, small gestures of kindness can create a ripple effect, fostering connection and unity.
Yes, the idea that love is central to spiritual life is echoed in the works of many Christian mystics, such as Meister Eckhart and St. John of the Cross, who emphasize love as a pathway to divine union and spiritual awakening.
Kenosis refers to the self-emptying love that allows one to transcend the ego, while bhakti emphasizes devotion and love towards the divine. Both concepts highlight love's transformative power, but they approach it from different angles—one through selflessness and the other through devotion.
Practices such as mindfulness, active listening, and compassionate communication can support living this teaching. Engaging in these practices helps cultivate a deeper awareness of love's presence in our lives and encourages us to express it more fully.
Deepening your understanding of love as a spiritual practice can involve regular reflection, meditation on loving-kindness, and seeking opportunities to serve others. Engaging with texts from various spiritual traditions that explore love can also enrich your perspective.

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