The Freedom of Love: Embracing Allowance
“To love is to allow.” In this succinct yet profound statement, Anthony de Mello encapsulates a transformative understanding of love that transcends mere affection or attachment. Love, in its truest form, is not about possession or control; rather, it is an act of surrender and acceptance. This perspective invites us to reconsider our relationships, both with ourselves and others, urging us to embrace a more expansive, liberating view of love that fosters growth and authenticity.
De Mello’s assertion challenges the conventional narratives surrounding love, which often emphasize obligation, expectation, and even sacrifice. By framing love as an act of allowing, he invites us into a space where we can appreciate the inherent freedom that comes with genuine connection. This understanding is not only vital for personal relationships but also for our broader interactions with the world, as it encourages us to cultivate compassion and understanding in the face of life’s complexities.
The image / the metaphor
The imagery embedded in the phrase “to love is to allow” evokes a sense of openness and spaciousness. The verb “allow” suggests a gentle invitation rather than a forceful demand; it conjures images of a garden where flowers bloom freely, nurtured by the sun and rain, yet unconfined by rigid boundaries. This metaphor speaks to the essence of love as a dynamic force that thrives in an environment of acceptance, where individuals are free to express their true selves without fear of judgment or rejection.
In the speaker's tradition
Anthony de Mello, a Jesuit priest and spiritual teacher, draws from a rich tapestry of Christian mysticism that emphasizes the transformative power of love. His teachings resonate with concepts such as kenosis, the self-emptying love that allows for the fullness of another’s being. This idea parallels the Buddhist notion of sunyata, or emptiness, which invites us to let go of attachments and preconceived notions, creating space for genuine connection. In both traditions, love is seen as a path to liberation, urging us to transcend the ego and embrace a more profound understanding of existence.
In his work, “The Way to Love,” de Mello echoes the sentiments found in the writings of mystics like St. John of the Cross and Teresa of Avila, who spoke of love as a divine force that transcends the self. Their writings emphasize the importance of surrendering to this love, allowing it to guide our actions and relationships. This shared understanding across traditions highlights the universality of love as a transformative practice, inviting us to explore its depths in our own lives.
Living the teaching
Consider a modern scenario where this teaching can be applied: a parent grappling with their child's choices. In a world that often pressures us to mold our loved ones into specific ideals, the act of allowing becomes a radical practice. By embracing the notion that to love is to allow, the parent can create a nurturing environment where the child feels free to explore their identity and passions. This shift from control to allowance not only strengthens their bond but also fosters the child’s sense of autonomy and self-worth.
Another application of this teaching can be found in romantic relationships, particularly during moments of conflict. When faced with disagreements, partners often fall into the trap of trying to change one another’s perspectives. However, by embodying the principle of allowing, they can create a space for open dialogue and understanding. This practice encourages each partner to listen deeply and appreciate the other’s viewpoint, ultimately leading to a more harmonious and loving relationship.
A reflection
As we contemplate the essence of de Mello’s quote, we are invited to reflect on our own relationships and the ways in which we may inadvertently impose conditions on our love. How might our lives change if we embraced the practice of allowing, both for ourselves and for others? This question invites us to explore the boundaries we place on love and to consider how we can cultivate a more expansive, liberating approach to our connections.
